So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
