so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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