She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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