Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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