One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
