Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
