My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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