Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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