Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
