You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize