Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
