hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize