All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
