forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
