she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize