We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
