i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
