Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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