Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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