At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
