Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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