what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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