Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
