This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she woke up with a sticky ear
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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