Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
