the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
