yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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