I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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