I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
