I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
