and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
