The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
