chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize