too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize