I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
