her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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