my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
