I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
