dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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