there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
