I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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