Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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