They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
