sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
