and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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