The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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