I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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