that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize