I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
