? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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