At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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