so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
