i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
