shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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