FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
