I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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