Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
