i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
