i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize