Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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(210): View more from Texas

The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

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(407): View more from Florida

Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

where the hell would u of bought a deer

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(415): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

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(983): View more from

We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!

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