The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
