Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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