she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
