booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
